(via metalkun)
(Source: bloggish, via travisstolls)
MOTHERFUCKERS WANTED MY FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE GODDAMN WINTER SLIDE
UNDERAGE MOTHERFUCKERS BETTER STEER CLEAR OF THIS BULLSHIT - OBEY YOUR COUNTRY’S ALCOHOL LAWS, ASSHATS.
PARADE YOUR FANCY ASS OVER TO YOUR LOCAL BREWERY AND DEMAND THEY SUBMIT TITHE TO THE MAJESTY THAT IS YOUR FACE! ACCEPT ONLY THE FINEST IRISH CREAM (I PREFER CAROLINES)
WHEN YOU FEEL SATISFIED AT THEIR HUMBLE OFFERINGS, SPREAD YOUR FUCKING WINGS AND HEAD-BOB YOUR WAY BACK TO THE KITCHEN.
TEAR A HOLE IN THE FABRIC OF THE UNIVERSE AND GRAB REALITY BY THE HEART - FEEL THE LIFE-BLOOD POURING BETWEEN YOUR FINGERS AND STRIP IT AWAY.
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU JUST HARVESTED SOME YORK-MINT-PATTY COFFEE CREAMER!
CALL UP YOUR CANADIAN BROS AND GET THEM TO RIDE A POLAR BEAR OVER TO YOUR HOUSE FOR SOME FLY-ASS VANILLA ICE CREAM
LEFTOVER CANDY CANES? SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!
PRACTICE YOUR TIBETAN THROAT-SINGING WHILE MEASURING OUT YOUR INGREDIENTS.
1/4 CUP IRISH CREAM
3 CUPS ICE CREAM
1/8 CUP CREAMER
AGGRESSIVELY POUR THEM INTO A BLENDER AND SMACK THE FUCKING MACHINE UNTIL IT BLENDS THE SHIT OUT OF THIS CRAZY AWESOMENESS.
TAKE YOUR HUGE-ASS WINE GLASS BY THE STEM, AND PICK UP YOUR CHOCOLATE SYRUP WITH THE OTHER DEMON-STABBING HAND.
IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANY FUCKING CHOCOLATE SYRUP, WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF HUMAN BEING ARE YOU? PURCHASE SOME! FUCK!
SLOWLY SPIN THE WINE GLASS WHILE SQUIRTING SYRUP INTO IT, AND DRAW THE SQUIRT BOTTLE UP TOWARD THE TOP OF THE GLASS WHILE IT SPINS.
THAT SHOULD MAKE AN AESTHETICALLY PLEASING AND ALSO DELICIOUS SWIRL OF CHOCOLATE ON THE INSIDE OF YOUR GLASS.
HOLY FUCKING TITS, LOOK AT YOUR FANCY ASS!
CATCALL THE UNIVERSE FOR BEING SUCH A MAJESTIC MOTHERCUKER AND DUMP YOUR BLENDED BULLSHIT INTO THE GLASS.
TOP IT WITH WHIPPED CREAM, MORE CHOCOLATE SYRUP AND THAT SMASHED CANDY CANE I MENTIONED EARLIER!
ENJOY YOUR MOUTHGASM, ASSHOLE!
(via destielsails)
(Source: isavedupallmysunshine, via sammysnipples)
(Source: eileenxelectric)
Eleven/Clara - Carl/Ellie Parallels
(Source: runningawaywithaspaceman, via doctorwho)
You really only understand how drunk you are when you’re peeing
(Source: glial, via ponfarrisforwerewolves)
(Source: michaelchenger, via thenorwegianblue)
(Source: queenkelena, via sammysnipples)
(Source: modelgeek, via kirkbonesspock)
why wasn’t sympathy vs empathy ever explained to me as “that sucks vs i feel u” because that’s literally the best way to explain it
(via silly-ole-doctor)
(via varicose)
(via youngbull1985)
